Tuesday, December 04, 2012

Body Beautiful (Stone Butch).

I am a proud, self-identified Stone Butch top, celebrating feeling comfortable with my body and celebrating my masculinity - I own it, I revel in it and I bask in it.  And fuck it feels good.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Wednesday, June 13, 2012



Prey passes the tiger who
Sometimes merely looks,
Sometimes pounces without hesitation,
But never fails to act.

Life is a constant series of opportunities and, admittedly, there have been times in my life where the timing was wrong, but also times and situations in my life where I just simply failed to act . Not because of timing, but more out of inability, due to fear.

Still, at my age, I am reminded that we must continue to reach out for things and fight for what we want and what we believe in. If we don't, then we cannot be in harmony with the essential nature of life. We must learn to engage and participate in somehow, and to take advantage of whatever or whoever comes our way, and to not be afraid whether the timing is right or not.

Opportunites lost because the timing was wrong I can live with. The one's that have passed by due to fear ... I cannot.

Friday, May 04, 2012

Lo ...

She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Delores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita. Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta.

"My car is limping, Delores Haze,
And the last long lap is the hardest,
And I shall be dumped where the weed decays,
And the rest is rust and stardust."

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Body and Soul - Amy Winehouse and Tony Bennett video

What can I say, other than I am still devastated over the death of my favourite artist. At last, the long awaited release of Body and Soul is finally here ... and it is bittersweet.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

To Anonymous

If that was you who called the other morning just after 3AM   ...

I'd love for you to try again.

I miss you very much.


Friday, July 29, 2011

Remembering Amy Jade Winehouse

Reading all the news since Amy Winehouse's passing has left a huge lump in my throat. But what has saddened me even more are the many comments left by people on news articles and other Internet sites who, for some unknown reason, find it impossible to see that there was a woman, another human being with human emotions behind the media's portrayal and their exploitation of Amy's lifestyle during the last years of her life.

I have been disgusted upon coming across comments such as 'live like a junkie, die like a junkie', 'at last the junkie mole is dead - good riddens', and stuff like 'she deserved what she got'. It makes me hang my head in sorrow and in shame and I am left wondering about how people can be so brutally cold and removed from the suffering and the struggle that others clearly experience throughout their lives. In a day and age of cyberspace, it appears that social media has increasingly become a dumping ground for toxic comments - a place for cowards to take great delight in sitting and hiding behind their computers as they troll the internet, breeding nothing but their bile and hate. I feel sorry for these people. I feel even sorrier that at a time like this they feel that they can take it upon themselves to write those sorts of things on tributes payed to Amy, while others are grieving for the loss of a loved one and for the loss of a life.

I have never been the type of person who got crazed or caught up on famous people and their lives, but Amy's music and the way that she sang truly touched my soul and made a huge impact on my life.  Amy Winehouse was a human being just like you and I. And sadly, it should never have come to this. No matter what anyone says about her, it will always be her music that I remember her by.

Below is a snippet that I have taken from a piece written by Alexandra Topping from the Guardian in the UK.

'The analysis of what caused her eventual demise, on Saturday 23 July, aged 27, will be dissected minutely over the coming weeks. But, said Charles-Ridler, those who peered into her life should also take a moment to look at their own.'

"Yes she did this to herself, yes she was self-destructive, but she was a victim too," he said. "We all have to take a bit of responsibility, us the public, the paparazzi. She was a star, but I want people to remember that she was also just a girl."

Monday, July 25, 2011

Rest In Peace Amy Jade Winehouse

It was only on Saturday that I decided to take my Amy Winehouse cds from the shelf, get in my car and go for a drive. I spent hours driving through the mountains with Amy blasting through my speakers, as I have done so many times before. It has always bought me happiness to listen to her music. I know that might sound a little odd given that most of what she sang about was the pain and heartache she experienced throughout her life, but I felt honoured to be exposed to the honesty of her lyrics and deeply moved by the sound of her voice - that voice that was, and still is, unmistakable! But now... the thought of listening to her music brings me sadness.

Her song (There Is) No Greater Love has always been one of my favourites - she truly does sing it so beautifully. It is one of those tracks that I play over and over and over again and never tire of. For me, that song will always remain as one of those special, soulful, timeless classics.

In comparison, whenever I listened to Amy, I was continually reminded of how most other artists seem so... ordinary. Not many singers have the ability to compel me to rush out and buy their music - that is a very rare occurrence indeed. But Amy was definitely at the top of my list. Let me tell you, it has been quite some time since I went out and bought an album (her's being the last), and it has been over 15 years since I have willingly parted with money from my pocket to spend on a concert ticket, but I always said that if she ever graced us with an Australian tour, then I would certainly go. And now I will never get the chance.

While at work early on Sunday morning I read that Amy had passed away. There was the headline on my phone "Amy Winehouse Dead". I couldn't believe my eyes, I had to read it again. And in all honesty, it really is one of the saddest things that I have ever heard.

I think that the world and those who truly appreciate musical talent have been robbed of an exceptionally gifted and unique soul, who's music will live on far beyond most of the stuff that we are subjected to on a daily basis, through platforms such as commercial radio and the Top 40. Her death really is a tragic, tragic loss... and I really cannot believe that she is gone.

Rest In Peace, Amy - I miss your music already!


Monday, March 14, 2011

The things that catch our attention...

The other day I was pulling a 10 hour shift whilst working on the road. As I was walking through the work site I noticed this on one of the trucks belonging to the company that we do contract work for. Of all the things to get my attention with all the commotion going on around me was this small photo that had been stuck down on the inside of one of the trays. When I first saw it I thought 'no way!'. I paused for a moment and managed a smile, but then experienced this sinking feeling in my stomach and afterwards found myself feeling sad, as all it did was remind me of someone who I really care about, and of something special that I have kept that she'd sent me last year for my birthday ...

Needless to say ... I miss her so very much.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

The Power of Choice.

Something I read not too long ago really struck a chord with me today: “Your life isn’t defined by what happens to you; you define your life by how you choose to respond to the things life throws at you. That is the power of choice.”

It reminds me of a quote I came across while reading Mans Search for Meaning.  It follows ...

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

Friday, May 29, 2009


I will hold you to that Banana Split,
and when we share it I will savour each and every moment.

Until then ...


Monday, May 25, 2009

Rubik's Cube and the Ballpoint Pen not the only things Hungary has going for it...

Every morning I like to take time to reflect on life and to ready myself for what needs to be done during the day ahead. I also like to go out very early for breakfast, and afterwards sit and sip on my cup of lemon and ginger tea and take time to read the morning paper. Not only am I interested in what goes on locally, but also in what goes on globally.

In this mornings edition of the paper I came across a rather curious article that had me scratching my head, which eventually led me to remember some of the stories my Nan used to proudly go on about her Homeland. That is, sadly, the stories she used to spin before her dementia set in.  Afterwards, I chuckled and thought to myself, gee, if only she could see this one ... because I reckon it would give her a bit of a chuckle too.

High-Heel Sprint in Budapest:

May 23rd, some 100 women took part in the race wearing high- heeled shoes with a required minimum height of 8cm for a $6200 prize.

Please correct me if I am wrong, but I am not too sure if this is something the Hungarians actually whipped up all on their own - even though Nan sure would like to think that the Hungarians were responsible for everything great that happened in the World - or, come to think of it, why some women would subject themselves to something which looks rather dangerous to me, just for the chance of a $6,200 prize.

Okay, sure, $6,200 could be considered a substantial amount of money to some, while for others, a race of this sort might be considered fun to run in a pair of killer heels - although, from a distance, it's hard to tell based purely by the look on their faces, but under close observation (runner #80) it actually suggests to me otherwise - but Hell, I wouldn't last 5 damn steps in a pair of heels, not that you'd ever catch me in a pair of heels, that is *wink* but you know, I'm, well, I'm just saying. If truth be told, I am more of an admirer of women who wear heels, especially when worn with a lovely pair of seamed stockings, but hey, let's not get me started on that one ...

It did get me thinking, however, that perhaps this type of event is something we could stage over here for drag queens at the next Mardi Gras Fair Day. Who knows?  We could hold a National competition for all the drag queens from all around the land to come and take part in, at the same time, using it as an opportunity to help raise money for charity, or to raise money to help educate and campaign for issues such as homophobia and violence against members of our community.

Yep, anyway, I certainly can visualise a bunch of screaming queens tearing down Broadway in all of their finest. After all, it's not exactly the first time I would be a witness to such things *wink*. I certainly know of a couple that I have worked with over the years as a club DJ who would just love to enter ...

Miu Miu patent leather pumps anyone?

Friday, May 08, 2009

Eggleston Hall: For Butches.

Clearly, this self-identified Stone Butch top has way too much time on my hands, and in terms of my droll sense of humour, it certainly doesn't take all that much to get a rise out of me ...

The other night whilst watching Ladette to Lady I had a bit of a chuckle at the thought of the creators of this latest reality TV series making an episode of "Butch-ette to Lady". Now, let me be really honest here (all chuckles aside), the mere thought of an episode such as this even seeing the light of day was enough to send my head into a spin. Oh my, can you even imagine it? I can just see it now; waking up early one morning at Eggleston Hall and heading down stairs to discover the latest challenge, which is to hear that Mrs Harbord announces a zero tolerance policy on Butch cock. Or for something even more dizzying; being told that I must now put in my hair curlers, slip into my pantyhose and don a frock!

I don't know about the rest of you Butches, but I still suffer from P.T.D.S (post traumatic dress syndrome) from the class of 1987 (which was the last time I was forced to wear caught in a dress).

And, even though I don't really consider myself as someone who is overly masculine, let alone as someone who acts as these 'ladettes' do, (i.e. are loud, foul-mouthed, uncultured and unpleasant young women, who like to drink and smoke and who are often sexually promiscuous - according to Wikepedia), I'm sorry to inform the ill-informed: there ain't no lady, or inner-Princess, for that matter, lurking behind this here Butch Daddy. And no matter how hard you'd try, you would never, ever be able to feminise me or get me to change my naughty Butch ways, thus making me into what is described as ... a real lady.

Hmm, perhaps I should rephrase that one. So, let's try again, shall we ... 
You could never turn me into something that is seen as less threatening or challenging in relation to my masculinity, or into something that fits snugly and neatly into what is expected of someone as a woman, especially regarding some of the notions on how someone should present themselves as a woman (commonly known as "societal standards", which, in my mind, can also be interpreted as that good old: "a woman who acts like or who looks like a woman" sort of thing. You know? - we'll have none of that male lesbian sort of thing. Not that I am actually trying to be or wanting to be a man ... but I am quite sure that by now you get the gist *wink*).

Yep, think I'll just stick to my men's shoes, suits, ties, cuff links, collar stays and french cuffs, thank you very much ...

[insert (non-girly) Butch giggle here] *grins*

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

What a Crock of Sh*t!

I have to laugh as today I heard someone say that Butches see Femmes as 'fair game'. Well, speak for yourself, Buddy, as I have never viewed any woman as 'fair game' - regardless of whether she were a Femme, or however else she cared to identify.

Over the years I have had, and maintained, many friendships with women where the thought of dating, or even the possibility of having sex with her, never, ever crossed my mind, let alone came up during the course of a conversation - be it in person or online.

Monday, February 23, 2009

I don't know where that place is you speak of...

But just so you know,

I'm thinking of you

and I miss you.

I will be here when you get back.


Saturday, February 14, 2009


Today whilst searching for answers I was drawn to a book on the shelf in my study that I have had in my possession for many years now. In 1993 I was fortunate enough to come across a copy of 365 Tao, by Deng Ming-Dao, in an out-of-the-way bookstore down in Melbourne during one of my annual visits.

To this day I can still remember the sense of awe I felt upon opening it, and also how captivated I was by its contents as I let them wash over me for the very first time. Until then I had never been exposed to the principles or the philosophy of Taoism. I wouldn't exactly say that after all of these years of turning to this book in times of need, that I am what you would call a 'devout' follower of Taoism. I mean, I try my best to live a spiritual life, but sometimes there's just so much chaos that goes on around us - and also within us - where we just get so damn caught up with everything and where everything seems to be moving so fast that I sometimes find myself straying from the path ... or forgetting that one even exists ...which now begs me to ask - for various other reason also - at what point did I start losing sight of myself? Not so much "who am I"?, because I do know who and what I am, but more in regards to what is right for me and what is not, and also that sense of inner peace which once seemed to be a constant companion of mine. Right now, I suspect that the cause of me questioning all of this is more than likely attributed to having so much conflict surrounding me by external forces - personal and other - which in my mind is not always a good thing. After all, there does come a point in our lives where we find ourselves in situations where we begin to think that enough is enough. And perhaps I am approaching that point sooner than I care to admit?

Anyway, I seem to find a strange sense of comfort in the knowing that every now and then we get a little reminder from the Universe, especially on days like this, where I sat at my desk and reached out for this book without intending to actually sit and read. It wasn't a conscious thought that led me to 365 Tao today, or to my study for that matter, but for some reason all that followed resonated deep within, and it was afterwards that I realised I obviously needed to hear what presented itself before me as I wearily opened up my book, turned to page 4, and began to read...


Moon above water.
Sit in solitude.

If waters are placid, the moon will be mirrored perfectly. If we still ourselves, we can mirror the divine perfectly. But if we engage solely in the frenetic activities of our daily involvements, if we seek to impose our own schemes on the natural order, and if we allow ourselves to become absorbed in self-centered views, the surface of our waters becomes turbulent. Then we cannot be receptive to Tao.

There is no effort that we can make to still ourselves. True stillness comes naturally from moments of solitude where we allow our minds to settle. Just as water seeks its own level, the mind will gravitate toward the holy. Muddy water will become clear if allowed to stand undisturbed, and so too will the mind become clear if it is allowed to be still.

Neither the water nor the moon make any effort to achieve a reflection. In the same way, meditation will be natural and immediate.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Seven Days and One Week.

I tossed and turned for most of the night last night after taking myself to bed just after midnight, which is fairly late for me, even for a Friday...

You were in my thoughts, just as you have been for quite some time now, only lately it would appear to be a little more than usual, perhaps, even a little more than you should be. As I lay there I couldn't help but think about your question to me a couple of weeks ago, and even though all I could offer you at the time was a brief reply, as it was late and we were both very tired, I wanted to tell you this.

I just know,

and I will wait for you
for as long it takes.
I gave you my word once that I would be here for you, and if there is anything you know for certain about me by now, it is that I always stand by my word.
Even after all this time..
I am still here...
am I not?